It's sstarting to feel a little bit like Christmas

I feel so blessed this year as I have had three major spine surgeries in the last seven months have suffered a great deal and I have been very down to the deepest darkest part of my soul and once again I have came out all of it and survived
with the help of Jesus Christ
There were days when I just kept praying Jesus Jesus Jesus please help me and yes he did help me he gave me courage
to get up to fight this thing
The pain at times just to walk from room to room was so unbearable that I just laid on the sofa most of the day getting very little done Then about six weeks ago I made a trip to see Charlton in Newport News and when I came home I hurt so bad and I just prayed that this would end Brokedown had mental breakdown sat and cried for days My son-in-law came and found me on the kitchen floor just screaming and crying and he picked me up and held me and said it's going to be okay mums that's what he calls me and after that he and my daughter and my son became aware of how bad things were with me
They showed me much support and love is all they could remember was that I was their mother who was capable of fixing anything anything fixing their problems and I could not do this no longer
I could not fix myself and the love of them and the love of Jesus Christ awoke something deep down inside that said you can come out of this and gradually slowly I have each day found more strength to fight the pain and to keep moving moving moving

Getting ready for the birthday ofJesus Chris

I am blessed

Just back from

Newport News spent a week with hubby
Got an early Christmas present. A bicycle !!!ithink since I can't walk with pain of rods on SI joints. That I rode the bike and what a sense of freedom !!! Sailing around the parking lot of hotel it felt smooth as glass no hills tho lol

Now here I am in Newport News Virginia again

iPod for my birthday is pretty cool as it allows me to talk to text It's hard for me to type as my hands gO numb very easily I love it it's pink and white I really wanted iPad but it's probably too big for my hands I played be frustrated My hands would probably go numb
Charlton is very good to me today I am very very tired from Driving down here very hard on my neck and back although I do feel that I am finally getting a little better what a dark past six months it has been for me many days would not leave the house socialize with anyone i
fell down into a very deep dark hole that only my family could bring me up out of but mostly Jesus Christ is the one who gave me a feeling that I was not done for yet Sometimes feeling so alone and afraid and sad I'm in so much pain can lead one to believe there is nothing left for them but every day from now on when I try to make myself do stretches I look in the mirror and I keep telling myself your 56 you're not dead
you can make this work
You can pull yourself up of the very dark place Jesus will help me and the love of my family and my very few select friends have brought to me a new understanding of Me I have got to find my inner strength and the person that i used to be so some of that person come back

baking bread for my grandson's birthday French bread

For lasagna they. Make the lasagna. I bring the bread should be a fun party as I don't get out much but I am trying to make myself socialize

A great day !!!

After three days of intense pain. I felt good today. I did nothing. Spent the afternoon with two of my best friends and just relaxed it was gorgeous today warm with a gentle breeze. Fall colors are vibrant this year Leaves blowing thru the air falling here and there. Thank you Jesus for such beauty and the ability to appreciate life.
I am so sick of politics

Let's see how this works on my iPod

Well my birthday is Sunday and I really want an iPad but due to finance don't think I will get one yet maybe Christmas
Well this app let me put a photo in that's good

drugs that are not good for.you

CYMBALTA WHY DID I LET MY PC TALK ME INTO TRYING THIS DRUG FOR PAIN AND DEPRESSION. IT HAS NEARLY MADE ME WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE. I QUIT TAKING IT AFTER TWO WEEKS ANd it is causing me horrible nightmares and snaps in my brain if I make it thru this I will Never be added a new drug. I shall suffer

its 2:37am here in West Virginia

Yesterday was a beautiful windy fall day leaves blowing Out of my yard across the road to a farmers field (leaf mold) his land needs it anyways lol so nice Not to be bothered by the Dreaded Stink Bugs. I have sprayed for them and they are lying bellyup everywhere. I hate killing things but not them they get in your house and they Do Stink if they spray

its 2:37am here in West Virginia

Yesterday was a beautiful windy fall day leaves blowing Out of my yard across the road to a farmers field (leaf mold) his land needs it anyways lol so nice Not to be bothered by the Dreaded Stink Bugs. I have sprayed for them and they are lying bellyup everywhere. I hate killing things but not them they get in your house and they Do Stink if they spray

my two wk check up on neck fusion

All went well! I was told how difficult the surgery was another fear for Dr when they mess around your spinal cord and have to do so much clean up. Unfortunately I will mot be riding until next may or.so as in march they will open my back op and take out the rods, screws and plate. That will ne another recovery. Also he believes the rods and screws are causing my SI joint pain which is Very painful but I babe to wait until the bone is fused to remove the hardware! I am wore out from these two surgies and all the painful nerve testing and discography test so time to go ne with Charlton in Newport News and Rest and do PT. I am simply wore.out from trying to keep this house going and the animals just really tired. I did however let go of.my anti depressant. I feel clearer and happier than I have been in years Weird. I am feeling So much better and came to terms with my back pain hoping it Will Get Better when the Hardware is removed if not another surgery to fuse the SI joints themselves. But for some reason I believe My Talks with God. Have calmed me down.

Cheers to all and have a Blessed Weekend

Live love laugh laugh more

This week I have been having some serious issues with my exhusbands live in girlfriend....this is a serious relationship , she is sweet, pretty , and loves my grandchildren which she sees more than I do , due to my operations this year......I am jealous i guess., I dont want to feel this way ....it is not jealous of her and my ex.....we are friends......there is a confusing issue about her that I am having trouble with. She is a Wiccan /wicca/ witch.....I dont know how to describe her beliefs but I guess its a pagean religion.....she is a good person but this witch thing bothers me she does tarot readings, is into wicca ....how do I deal with this .....I am a christian and believe in Jesus Christ and that he died for us so that our sins can be forgiven......my ex has always played dungeons and dragons so he was drawn to her because of this ancient rituals ...so for ............

7 days post surgery,,,,, yesterday i

Walked thru the orchards behind my house. I felt so homesick, so broken. I remembered all the trails. BELLE and I have taken out there. I wanted to ride so badly. My heart ached to be upon her back ride along like we used to do. Jake, my dog, was with me even she seemed to wonder what was up. I cant say I was depressed. Just a deep longing I go for a check up on my lumbar fusion and end up the next day fusion on the neck. Now I dont know Abe. Or if I will be able to ride

A rose.......

This beautiful pastel peach rose has only given me two blooms all summer but they have been gorgeous....hopefully next yr I will be able to get some good black horse manure compost on it this fall and it will get healthier.......

A rose.......

This beautiful pastel peach rose has only given me two blooms all summer but they have been gorgeous....hopefully next yr I will be able to get some good black horse manure compost on it this fall and it will get healthier.......

Picture Perfect: Double Whammy

my belved belle and her favorite thing in the world.....apples......so double whammy...I love her ..she loves apples......hahaha and we love each other.

i walked this morning without falling.....

took a walk thru part of the orchard ..then down the road thru the orchard as i dont like walking between the trees they dont keep it mowed very much..crossed over the railroad tracks that I fell at last week .I saw a hole and was thinking perhaps I stepped in that and out went my knee...well headed to the shower , stinky and sweaty,.here a a pic of a hummingbird that I just happened to capture in photo,,,,before he buzzed off..not very good but I have some more photos to post today that are good of different macro shots i took this morning.....

cheers

Mel

belle has something to say about my day...........what do you think she is saying

belle has something to say about my day...........what do you think she is saying

http://fotofriday.multiply.com/journal/item/566/Picture-Perfect-Summer-Competition-2012-Week-Seven-The-HEART-of-the-Matter

The leaf of the Cyclamen flower.....what do the lightened area in the middle look like to you?? very interesting pattern........finally I get to post something I know I might be too late but it doesnt matter I got here..........

Kyree"s orientation to (big boys school) kindergarten.............

yip my little man is going to kindergarten at the big boy school., he has been in what they call headstart for a few yrs.....then day care.......now the real deal....he was so cute ...he spent the day with me as his mom had a court date at two and his orientation was at one thirty.....so she dropped him off at eight this morning as she has college classes until twelve thirty.......jeez he was so excited and we were laughing and singing the whole way to the school.....he did good .....so here are a few photos of his day.......

A great day spent with Kyree

Tomorrow is his first day at Big Boy School !!! I am so happy to be part of this He was so excited today. As we had to go for orientation. What fun then off to Walmart for school supplies I am wore out but it was worth every second I spend with. I will post pics later

Had a nasty fall

This morning while walking like me left went numb and I fell face forward onto the railroad tracks was very hard for me to get up. I smashes my 1200 $ lens onto the track as well as my knees. Tore my left up. Skinned it really Omg I am sore everywhere. Then I had pt this afternoon. They put me on a stationary bike !! Then they had me doing those stomach curls where you just barely come up. That madey neck hurt. They know I can't do these kind of crunches. I will end up in the hospital. My dr orders were for manual one on one therapy he doesn't want them just to give me a list of exercises. He wants hands on therapy. I think I need to find a new pt place

Had a nasty fall

This morning while walking like me left went numb and I fell face forward onto the railroad tracks was very hard for me to get up. I smashes my 1200 $ lens onto the track as well as my knees. Tore my left up. Skinned it really Omg I am sore everywhere. Then I had pt this afternoon. They put me on a stationary bike !! Then they had me doing those stomach curls where you just barely come up. That madey neck hurt. They know I can't do these kind of crunches. I will end up in the hospital. My dr orders were for manual one on one therapy he doesn't want them just to give me a list of exercises. He wants hands on therapy. I think I need to find a new pt place

Tears, joy, peace.......finally

I was talking with Charlton tonight about my ride on Belle and I broke down ......tears of joy .....of releasing all the pain I have gone thru...it seemed that I needed to feel all of it at one time......what I cant explain in words ,what riding Belle felt like....when I have been in so much pain in the past riding her , i had to kind of ride in two point...standing in stirrups always trying to keep the back from moving....weird today when I got on it was like ten years of pain just disappearing in an blink a second....when she walked off ,,..the movement of her back against my seat was perfect......NO PIAIN........it hit me tonight .....today is the first time I can say that I am glad I had the Tri level fusion......finally.......I cant tell you how i feel other than joy, tears running down my cheeks, a feeling of being Alive......feeling Vital..........to something......Belle communed with me as if I n3ever had left her for so long......I felt and know that she knows I am better and she is too.......a wonderful spirtual experience.......our souls came together and became one.......a beautiful moment in a world full of sadness ,anger hunger,

Life is Good

and I thank the Good Lord for giving me what he had promised in the hospital........the ability to sit upon my Beloved Belle once again......and again and again......woohoo......I feel like I could float thru my house with wings of love.......I am so happy

http://mel890.livejournal.com/3212.html

just stuff photos of my life

belle not a happy camper when she first came home happy Belle Me at my friend's pool relaxing....notice I was still wearing my brace even in the water I was scared of getting afraid and jerking my back and messing things upCosmos one of my favorite flowers Nice pool to do therapy in The person Lorrie that has taken care of me in more ways than one since t his horrible surgery....mowed my grass , pulled weeds, drove Miss Daisy around before i could drive..great gal Summer's end

just stuff photos of my life

belle not a happy camper when she first came home happy Belle Me at my friend's pool relaxing....notice I was still wearing my brace even in the water I was scared of getting afraid and jerking my back and messing things upCosmos one of my favorite flowers Nice pool to do therapy in The person Lorrie that has taken care of me in more ways than one since t his horrible surgery....mowed my grass , pulled weeds, drove Miss Daisy around before i could drive..great gal Summer's end

me and kyree

yesterday I spent the day with kyree....the first time he has spent the night with me since my surgery.....just wanted to share the photos

http://mel890.livejournal.com/2223.html